Why do I work with people who are dying?
I’ve never considered myself a blogger knowing from experience how long it takes me to edit just one document for final publication. I also know that I can be wordy when I’m writing about something for which I have passion. My website creator, the fabulous Stella Habib (seriously - fabulous) suggested that this is almost a requirement in today’s world of websites. She said it would give me a platform to share of myself, of my work and my world as a thanadoula with you. OK, I sighed and gave in to her experience.
In this first blog I thought to answer the question I receive the most:
Tracey, why do you work with people who are dying?
After sitting here for two hours and trying to ‘show’ you my world through words I’ve hit a roadblock. Not a writer’s block but a roadblock. It took me a while but I finally understood why I could not draw for you the beautiful, touching and loving moments that I am a part of in my thanadoula work.
We have been bombarded in the past decade and a bit with media of all sorts on dying and death (though for some reason it has been coined ‘death and dying’) within our Canadian society. Yet this area of life has not become the bonfire it should be requiring our immediate attention. We’re still feeding it kindling with an attitude of ‘let’s see if it catches and if not, oh well’. Hello!!
For many, this is still a subject to be spoken about with lowered eyes and hushed voices. We still have an ‘if we don’t talk about it, it won’t happen’ attitude. It’s scary. It’s uncomfortable. It’s lonely. And it hurts. Death hurts.
How then do I introduce you to my world where not only is there a dire need for my services, but how do I illustrate the difference my presence makes to the quality of someone’s life … and yes, of their dying? And, BTW, the difference in the quality of my life because of them.
I found what I hope is a way in.
In her published report Family Perspectives: Death and Dying in Canada, Dr. Katherine Arnup wrote:
“Despite the significant evolution in the conversations on death and dying, most Canadians approach death with some measure of fear, ignorance, and dread. Thus, major sections from the 2013 edition of this report remain substantially the same, with updated information and statistics. Most people still wish they could avoid death. For the most part, Canadians have not heeded Mary Oliver’s sage advice to embrace each day of our “one wild and precious life.”
Wow. Dr. Arnup wrote a similar report in 2013 and in this, her 2018 report, “major sections from the 2013 edition of this report remain substantially the same”. If we think about this, as a society we have not grown to reflect the changes in our population demographics, we have not incorporated the changes that are the 21st century, nor have we rejoiced in the liberation we have in being a country of inclusive and diverse belief systems and social supports. We have not taken on the work of creating an infrastructure that supports people who are dying and their families in a way that promotes quality and dignity. We have not addressed grief and bereavement in a meaningful and shared way.
We have not accepted that each one of us is going to die.
We have work to do. I’m up to it and I hope you will share the conversations with me.
Need support?
Whether you have questions or are ready to work together, let’s begin with a complimentary phone call. I look forward to learning more about where you need support.