Today I sat with a mouse
It wasn’t a domesticated mouse unless that’s what you call the outdoor mice that become co-inhabitants of your home without your permission.
Its coat was made up of shades of grey, its back paws white. Its eyes were just that mousy colour of brown black that is typical.
The mouse was dying and I was the cause.
Two years ago there had been some land clearing around me and animals were displaced. They found new places to make homes, bases from which they went out to find food and returned. It wasn’t until October though that my neighbours and I realized that they had also found refuge in our garages and homes. We did what people do with a rodent infestation looming. We brought in pest control people, and we hurried to stores to buy poison.
I will never forget the weeks afterward, hearing the little things nibble at the traps, knowing I had begun the process of their end of life. The pest control person’s words were strong in my ear – let them eat it. If you don’t control it now you will be over-run with mice.
i’ve never watched a mouse die before.
Today’s little guy came out of nowhere as I was on my treadmill. I knew it was dying as it walked drunkenly across the carpet. I picked it up and took it outside, placing it on the grass beside my deck. I watched its sides puff in and out as it tried to breathe. It scratched its ears every now and then.
I’ve never sat with a mouse that was dying before.
And I didn’t want to be here for this death that I had initiated. Yet isn’t this what I am called to do? I sit with those who are dying and witness their life and their passing, hoping they find solace in my presence to be less afraid. They know they are not alone. They know they are loved.
I helped the spirit of a mouse leave this world today. I am grief-stricken at the loss and thankful that I was there.
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