Just what is a thanadoula?
When I originally wrote this blog I was so pleased with it! I couldn’t wait until it got into your hands, the hands of my readers, to help you understand why end of life can be isolating for people and, to that end, how a Thanadoula can create a different environment for someone who is dying; an environment that may be more peaceful, and calm, and loving. Then I realized … no one knows what a Thanadoula is!! Or very few people do. Allow me to introduce myself.
Tracey Ogilvie-McDonald
My name is Tracey and I am a Thanadoula. I develop relationships with people who are dying and their families; I hold sacred space for those who are dying, providing them psycho-spiritual and emotional care and support. I also hold space for their families and friends.
What I am not is a Personal Support Worker. People often confuse the work I do, and the relationships I build, with that of a PSW. Our roles are not the same. One’s intent (mine) is directed at the spirit of a person. The other’s intent is usually care for the body.
Knowing that, why are my services so important?
At no other time in our recent history has the plight of our elders and seniors been more in the spotlight than during the COVID years. What does this have to do with end of life, you may be wondering. I want you recall the pictures we have seen on the news channels, or in the news papers, or on social media platforms, that showed us our very vulnerable elders in homes and hospitals, alone, without family or friends. I want you to hold that picture in your thoughts – and in your heart.
Do you recall the loneliness and isolation apparent in their eyes? Can you remember how their felt abandonment could almost be seen in the posture of their bodies, miserable resignation in their expressions?
If holding these memories hurts, imagine how it feels to be one of those people.
Now imagine how it feels to be one of these people who are coming to end of life. Months, weeks, perhaps days are left to them.
And there is no one to hold their hand, touchtheir face tenderly, or whisper words of love in their ears before they die.
I spoke about our seniors. But the dying are not all elderly though it’s the image that often comes to mind. In 2019, there was an average of 8,960 deaths each month in Ontario. Of these 5,821 people were between the ages of 15 and 49 years old.
The need for Thanadoulas cross all age ranges.
People who are dying have emotional and spiritual needs that we won’t know until we, ourselves, become one of the dying. But those of us who work with end of life clients know about the silence in the room and the shouting in the person’s mind. We know the many questions that will be asked for which we have no answers – for which there are no answers. We know the anger and hurt that they show us, their confidants, that they hold back from others to protect them. We know the obligations they feel they still have, but are helpless to carry out. And yes, we know how very scared our clients are. Fears that they try to hide so that they appear strong.
Dying needs compassion. It needs time and space. It needs attention. It needs love.
The intent of a Thanadoula is to be wholly mindful for someone at end of life. We are also wholly aware that caregivers and family members will benefit from our support. We can support them as they too walk this path of emotion, perhaps giving them space to find their strength.
When someone is at end of life, I am their person. I will listen, we will talk, we will have discussions and we can hold silence. We can laugh and cry and have the hard conversations. When a Thanadoula and a client work together, the space is more open to family and friends – space that is more easily filled with laughter and tears, stories and memories being made.
For caregivers, Thanadoulas provide respite from having to provide so that when they are ready, they can return to a bedside more easily.
For those who are at end of life, I hold their company mindfully, letting them know that they are not alone.
Death is final. A Thanadoula can help people find quality of life at end of life.
want more information?
The services of a Thanadoula can differ from one to the next as each of us pull on the skills and experience that we have. Would you like to know more about the services that I provide and how my support can help you?